July 19, 2005

Dear Friends,

I want to share with you the lyrics to a song I wrote which will be part of an
album called "From Alienation to Reintegration: Songs for the Psychologically
Touched and Mystically Shell-Shocked". It will be a hip hop / folk collabrotive
between my two musical projects Breslev32 and Progressive Folk and I'm dedicating
it to anyone who has suffered from mental illness, experienced a nervous breakdown,
psychotic episode, or has ever been hospitalized in a psychiatric unit as I have.
All the material is written and it comes from the heart with wisdom, humor, and
healing words that can be spoken and sung in truth because I speak from experience.
I will leave this entry up for a while because I would like the world to know a little
more about my journey and at the same time for my students to learn what really happened.
I was proud to watch them all walk across the stage for their 2005 graduation but I feel
I owe them an explanation. One asked me what happened and I said I've been in hiding but
as another wisely advised, I can't really stay in hybernation forever. So here is just a
a glimpse, as I hope to share much more because my life makes a good story. You'll just
have to ask this teller the right questions before I share the rest. But until then, enjoy!

To my Supervisor

This is a letter to my Supervisor whose name you need not know
Because it could apply to any boss who turns from friend into a foe

I'm letting you know I've gone to the Center for Public Representation
Because I was told that I was fired because of a bad evaluation
While I was on protected family leave not some family vacation
And I was offered no support for a healthy reintegration
And about that so-called evaluation which I never even read
What in God’s name could it have possibly said?
That I couldn't handle the endless paper work? or that I should be taking meds?
As if it was my fault for the biochemical imbalances of the brain inside my head
So I asked the superintendent to change the language of the termination letter
And they rephrased why I was fired but that didn't make it feel any better
Because if you read the evaluation Mary wrote then you'd know that yours was bullshit
But you kicked me when I was down and I was too shocked to even push it

This is a letter to my Supervisor whose name you need not know
Because it could apply to any boss who turns from friend into a foe

And even though I was invited to reapply for a job as a paraprofessional
I applied three whole times but you made me feel it was impossible
And the way that you treated me was really unprofessional
Cause there was something that you said to me that was totally unacceptable
When in truth I felt ready to work again and got the nerve to call
To ask for a position as a paraprofessional you actually had the balls
To say "I'm beyond nuts right now ... and besides you dropped the ball!"
When you knew it was a ball of razors and I had to let it fall
And you might say you didn't mean it but what you said really hurt
Cause you were talking to someone who was hospitalized
And had just been through the worst
Ironically though, ever since you said that I've been completely cured
Cause “beyond nuts now” must mean you were “just crazy”
When you were supervising my work
And that's why everything felt more stressful when you became my supervisor
Cause with Mary things felt easy and I think I even surprised her
Considering how well my first year of teaching went and she knew I'd just get wiser
But just one year later while I was in recovery from a total nervous breakdown
All you had to say was like Trump in The Apprentice “YOU’RE FIRED!"

This is a letter to my Supervisor whose name you need not know
Because it could apply to any boss who turns from friend into a foe

And it's not because I want my job back that I've decided to fight this
It's because you must do better for someone in a mental health crisis
Who has been working hard within your system
And you should listen to what my advice is
Because you lost one of your best teachers
Whose students all loved as one of their nicest
And might I add one of the brightest?
Teaching math and science and technology and web design too
And teaching the toughest kids in Prep Academy to think Social Studies was cool
And you know I turned down a job from Sci-Tech teaching Modern World History
Because I wanted to continue serving your school
Even if that meant I could only teach SPED
Because your History Department Head
Was so convinced I was some kind of fool

This is a letter to my Supervisor whose name you need not know
Because it could apply to any boss who turns from friend into a foe

And it was not like I was some stranger who came to teach from Alaska
I'm your small hometown alum who graduated your school with the top of my class
I was the captain of the wrestling team who really kicked some ass
Just ask my students and they'll tell you I was one of the best teachers they've had
So symbolically when I got the gift from your sunshine fund to buy some new books
I got "The Once and Future King" but it makes me stop to just wonder and look
At why you have ignored all my calls and emails but perhaps I shouldn’t feel so shook
Because I guess the silent treatment is one of the oldest tricks in the book
And it’s not because it’s my dream job that I applied three times
Or that I thought being a paraprofessional is so cool
I applied based on the lie I was told by the superintendent of schools
That I was welcome back to serve and work for your community and school
That’s why I'm filing this case now because you broke the golden rule
And the way this whole thing was handled was unusual and cruel

This is a letter to my Supervisor whose name you need not know
Because it could apply to any boss who turns from friend into a foe

For what it's worth, I consider this to be good old fashioned poetic justice
and I can honestly tell you everything is cool between me and the kids and that's
what really matters. Besides, if you check the professional library of ARHS
you would know that things are still cool between me and my alma mater despite
the heartbreakingly unprofessional way my experience was handled. All is forgiven
but if you read my senior quote in the 1993 yearbook, then you will know who gets
the last laugh. Its the same merry prankster who donated the whole Harry Potter
series just to kill 'em with kindness in case you're wondering, but honestly!

Eternally Yours,

Avniel